My Quest

I am about to begin a quest. This could be my defining moment. I am going to fulfill my destiny. This could possibly make or break my kingdom. How did all this start, you ask? Well, let me take you back...

It all started several months ago when we went to Bakers Square for dinner. After dinner, I began flipping through the dessert menu, trying to decide which pie to order.

From what they tell me, as I flipped through the menu, I appeared to be in a zombie-like trance, mumbling:

“Mmm…blueberry…I like blueberry. Mmm…coconut cream…I like coconut cream. Mmm…pie… I like pie.”

After several minutes and multiple times through the menu, I made my choice. Not because I knew what I wanted. Oh no. It was because everyone else had already ordered and if I had any hope of eating pie that night, I needed to decide.

After finishing my dessert, mumbling “mmm…pie, I like pie,” between each mouthful, I announced to the family that I was going to begin a quest…I needed to fulfill my destiny…the planets have aligned and I could see the purpose of my life. That’s right…I was going to sample ALL of Bakers Square’s pies – more than 26 pies. The kids got a kick out of this and there was quite the discussion about My Quest on the ride home.

As excited as I was, it was some time before we got back to Bakers Square, and to be honest with you, I had kind of forgotten about my Pie Quest until I was confronted once again by the pie menu. Then it all came back to me in one big wave of emotion (err…well…as big a wave as apathy will get you).

After dinner, I realized I had a problem. I’d forgotten which pie I’d eaten the last time. Now I’m not sure if this is old age setting in or if I have bonked my head one (or three) too many times, but this was a setback. I had 26 pies to eat and, even with one down, forgetting what I’d eaten put me squarely back at stage one.

This clearly identified the need for some sort of tracking system. I gave the twins the task of being my “Pie Trackers” so in the future, I wouldn’t duplicate my efforts. I ordered and ate my pie and we were on our merry way.

Now if you take nothing away from this rambling story, please, please, please remember this: When the balance of good vs. evil is on the line, when the fate of all humanity lies in the balance, never, never, NEVER entrust a nine year old, let alone two, to be ever-important trackers of anything. Ever.

As you can probably guess, the next time we went back to Bakers Square, neither of the girls could remember what kind of pie I had. Dang! I was right back where I’d started. I had two pies down, but no idea what they were.

I fired my Pie Trackers and decided to track my own progress. Jess and I tried to develop a strategy. During the discussion, Jess pointed out that having a goal to eat pie was more of a hobby than a quest. She noted that a real, official quest should achieve some type of outcome – some sort of value, other than adding a few extra inches to my waistline.

Suggesting My Quest lacked value hurt. I was crushed. No – demoralized. Demoralized to the point of wanting to move to a secluded cabin in the north woods and abandon all civilization. But the more I thought about it, I began to see the light. After all, I still get to eat pie, and in the end I would know something nobody else knows:

I would know which Bakers Square pie is the best.

My Quest is on. This is going to put me on the map, make me the Jared of Bakers Square.