I think I might be ready to begin My Quest. I have rules…I know what falls under the classification of pie…and I have a mechanism to determine if one pie is better than another.
What more could I possibly need? I’m all set to sample the selection of pies, assign each pie with an overall point value and the last pie standing will be declared the winner.
Bakers Square, here I come.
Hold on…now let’s think about this for a minute. I’m pitting all thirty-six or so pies against one another, assigning a point value and determining – based on overall points – which pie is the best. Is this a fair way to determine a winner? Is it really fair to put Apple pie up against Custard? What about Coconut Cream vs. Pumpkin?
These are completely different types of pies with different characteristics. We’re talking fruit pies and cream pies here.
Let’s see…I have 36 pies and baseball has 30 teams; maybe I do something similar to MLB. I could break the pies into divisions and have a 162-game season. Let me do some math here…each pie would have 162 matches (games), if I complete one match a week, that would be 52 matches a year, so…if I divide that by the total number of matches, that’d be 162 x 36 divided by 2…carry the 1…divided that by 52…YIKES! I think I need to rethink this. That’d be over 2,900 matches…at one match a week, we’re looking at fifty-plus years – and that’s not even counting the playoffs.
That won’t work.
Forget about it. There has to be a better way.
Maybe I could do this NCAA-Tournament style. It works for basketball, why not pie? I can break the pies into four groups: Fruit Pies; Cream Pies; Other Pies and the Pie of the Month.
Yes, I think brackets are the way to go.
In analyzing the Bakers Square pie menu, I’ve broken out the pies as follows:
Fruit Pies
Blueberry
Tripleberry
Raspberry
Strawberry
French Apple
Strawberry Rhubarb
Country Apple Cherry
Cream Pies
Banana Cream
French Silk
Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup
Oreo Pie
Lemon Supreme
Lemon Meringue
Chocolate Cream
Coconut Cream
Other Pies
Pumpkin
Pecan
Carmel Pecan Silk Supreme
Carmel Apple a La Mode
Strawberry Cream Cheese
French Apple Cream Cheese
Custard
Cheesecake
Pie of the Month
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December
Due to the number of Pies of the Month I think I’ll need to give four of the pies an automatic bye into the bracket and let the other eight pies fight for the remaining four slots.
This could get interesting.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Judging
Any true competition has some mechanism to determine which competitor prevails…who can outwit, outplay, outlast…who can call themselves the champion. My Quest is simple – I will sample and rate every pie that Bakers Square has to offer. When all is said and done, there can be only one…the champion…the King of the Pie.
So how do you whittle down a field of over thirty-five pies and have only one remain?
Maybe we could do it in American Idol or America’s Got Talent style. Although I don’t think Simon, Randy, Sharon or David would be viable options.
How about taking a page from Survivor? No, that wouldn’t work. I’m pretty sure the pies won’t be available for tribal council.
What about doing something on par with the Olympics? Well, the theme music would be cool, but you always have to keep an eye on the German judge.
Maybe I need to get off the Networks and flip down the channels a little farther. Yes. The Food Network. That’s where I’ll find my answer.
Maybe something along the lines of Throwdown with Bobby Flay. Or even better…Iron Chef America. I can see it now…Pie Stadium. The mystery pie would be unveiled at the beginning, Alton Brown can provide commentary. It’ll be huge!
Ok. So I might be getting a little carried away. But I think I’m on to something here. There won’t be a Pie Stadium and Alton Brown is probably too busy to commentate, but judging food based on categories like taste and appearance might actually work.
Along with taste and appearance, I think we should add texture as well. After all, texture is an important part of any dish, so I think we will add that too.
Now, in order to be able to separate the winners from the losers, I think each component of the pie should be judged individually – then combined to come up with an overall score. When we break it down to basics and look at the definition of pie, you have two key parts:
- The crust/topping; and
- The filling.
Each of these will be judged on taste, appearance and texture. There should probably be an Overall Pie Experience included too, so we can round out the judging.
Points – you can’t really judge anything if there are no point values. Since it looks like there will be over thirty-five pies in competition, we need to make sure the point range is large enough to accommodate all the pies – as well as be able to create separation. I’m thinking 10 points per component.
So here it is:
Crust/Topping
Appearance – 10 total points possible
Taste – 10 total points possible
Texture – 10 total points possible
Filling
Appearance – 10 total points possible
Taste – 10 total points possible
Texture – 10 total points possible
Overall Pie Experience – 10 additional points possible
Total possible points: 70
You know, I think this just might be crazy enough to work.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
What is a pie?
I think we’ve justified the need for rules in My Quest to sample and rank all Bakers Square’s pies. The next thing we need to do is determine what falls under the category of pie?
Flipping through the Bakers Square dessert menu, it was clear that some items can naturally be classified as pie.
Apple pie – In
Cherry pie – In
Pumpkin pie – In
Carrot cake – Out
Hot fudge brownie a la mode – Out
Then there is our old friend the cheesecake. Where does cheesecake fall?
Now there are many people out there that are firm believers that the cheesecake is truly a cake. Why? I guess because cake is in the name. Now, on the surface that seems like pretty solid logic, I mean after all, why would you name a pie cake? That would be like naming your cat dog or your daughter son.
Doesn’t make much sense.
But wait! I think they – and by they I mean all those word nerds out there –have a name for this…an oxymoron.
Oxymoron: A combination of contradictory or incongruous words such as “cruel kindness.”
Boy, I think I need to look up some words that define the word I am looking up. That’s never good.
Oh wait. What about that movie, Renaissance Man? There was that bit on Military Intelligence.
Okay, so I have a question for those of you still clinging to the cheesecake-is-cake stance. What about Boston cream pie? There is nothing pie about it. It’s actually a cake with pastry cream in the middle. Based on your logic, since pie is in the name, it must be a pie. I disagree.
Let’s see what Webster’s has to say:
Pie – noun - a dessert consisting of a filling (as of fruit or custard) in a pastry shell or topped with pastry or both
Well, looking at that definition, I would say that a cheesecake is more of a pie than a Boston cream pie is. Granted, most cheesecakes don’t have a pastry crust, they do have a crust.
Okay, I think we have it.
Boston cream pie – Out
Cheesecake – In
Now, was that so hard?
Flipping through the Bakers Square dessert menu, it was clear that some items can naturally be classified as pie.
Apple pie – In
Cherry pie – In
Pumpkin pie – In
Carrot cake – Out
Hot fudge brownie a la mode – Out
Then there is our old friend the cheesecake. Where does cheesecake fall?
Now there are many people out there that are firm believers that the cheesecake is truly a cake. Why? I guess because cake is in the name. Now, on the surface that seems like pretty solid logic, I mean after all, why would you name a pie cake? That would be like naming your cat dog or your daughter son.
Doesn’t make much sense.
But wait! I think they – and by they I mean all those word nerds out there –have a name for this…an oxymoron.
Oxymoron: A combination of contradictory or incongruous words such as “cruel kindness.”
Boy, I think I need to look up some words that define the word I am looking up. That’s never good.
Oh wait. What about that movie, Renaissance Man? There was that bit on Military Intelligence.
Okay, so I have a question for those of you still clinging to the cheesecake-is-cake stance. What about Boston cream pie? There is nothing pie about it. It’s actually a cake with pastry cream in the middle. Based on your logic, since pie is in the name, it must be a pie. I disagree.
Let’s see what Webster’s has to say:
Pie – noun - a dessert consisting of a filling (as of fruit or custard) in a pastry shell or topped with pastry or both
Well, looking at that definition, I would say that a cheesecake is more of a pie than a Boston cream pie is. Granted, most cheesecakes don’t have a pastry crust, they do have a crust.
Okay, I think we have it.
Boston cream pie – Out
Cheesecake – In
Now, was that so hard?
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Rules? Who needs rules?
In gearing up to begin My Quest to sample and rank all of Bakers Square’s pies, it appeared that things were not going to be as simple as I originally thought.
Here is how my simplistic mind thought it would work:
I’d eat pie…determine if it was good or not and then move on to the next.
Simple, right? Guess again.
How do you rate apple pie versus French silk? Cherry versus Resses Peanut butter Cup pie?
As in any competition, there needs to be rules. After all, you can’t just have a free-for-all. Mass chaos could ensue. Just think what would happen if there were no rules in football? No holding penalties, false starts, off sides.
What would you be left with? Twenty-two guys running around the field chasing the ball?
Wrong.
Remember…no rules. This means no limit to the number of players on the field, or on the team for that matter.
There must be rules.
First and foremost, it’s a safety issue. After all, many of the rules in football are there to protect the players, keep them from getting a season- or career-ending injury. Or worse, being laid up in a hospital bed looking at years of rehab just to be able to walk again. No sir, I won’t let that happen to me on My Quest.
Rules…there must be rules.
Defining them will be another matter.
Here is how my simplistic mind thought it would work:
I’d eat pie…determine if it was good or not and then move on to the next.
Simple, right? Guess again.
How do you rate apple pie versus French silk? Cherry versus Resses Peanut butter Cup pie?
As in any competition, there needs to be rules. After all, you can’t just have a free-for-all. Mass chaos could ensue. Just think what would happen if there were no rules in football? No holding penalties, false starts, off sides.
What would you be left with? Twenty-two guys running around the field chasing the ball?
Wrong.
Remember…no rules. This means no limit to the number of players on the field, or on the team for that matter.
There must be rules.
First and foremost, it’s a safety issue. After all, many of the rules in football are there to protect the players, keep them from getting a season- or career-ending injury. Or worse, being laid up in a hospital bed looking at years of rehab just to be able to walk again. No sir, I won’t let that happen to me on My Quest.
Rules…there must be rules.
Defining them will be another matter.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
My Quest
I am about to begin a quest. This could be my defining moment. I am going to fulfill my destiny. This could possibly make or break my kingdom. How did all this start, you ask? Well, let me take you back...
It all started several months ago when we went to Bakers Square for dinner. After dinner, I began flipping through the dessert menu, trying to decide which pie to order.
From what they tell me, as I flipped through the menu, I appeared to be in a zombie-like trance, mumbling:
“Mmm…blueberry…I like blueberry. Mmm…coconut cream…I like coconut cream. Mmm…pie… I like pie.”
After several minutes and multiple times through the menu, I made my choice. Not because I knew what I wanted. Oh no. It was because everyone else had already ordered and if I had any hope of eating pie that night, I needed to decide.
After finishing my dessert, mumbling “mmm…pie, I like pie,” between each mouthful, I announced to the family that I was going to begin a quest…I needed to fulfill my destiny…the planets have aligned and I could see the purpose of my life. That’s right…I was going to sample ALL of Bakers Square’s pies – more than 26 pies. The kids got a kick out of this and there was quite the discussion about My Quest on the ride home.
As excited as I was, it was some time before we got back to Bakers Square, and to be honest with you, I had kind of forgotten about my Pie Quest until I was confronted once again by the pie menu. Then it all came back to me in one big wave of emotion (err…well…as big a wave as apathy will get you).
After dinner, I realized I had a problem. I’d forgotten which pie I’d eaten the last time. Now I’m not sure if this is old age setting in or if I have bonked my head one (or three) too many times, but this was a setback. I had 26 pies to eat and, even with one down, forgetting what I’d eaten put me squarely back at stage one.
This clearly identified the need for some sort of tracking system. I gave the twins the task of being my “Pie Trackers” so in the future, I wouldn’t duplicate my efforts. I ordered and ate my pie and we were on our merry way.
Now if you take nothing away from this rambling story, please, please, please remember this: When the balance of good vs. evil is on the line, when the fate of all humanity lies in the balance, never, never, NEVER entrust a nine year old, let alone two, to be ever-important trackers of anything. Ever.
As you can probably guess, the next time we went back to Bakers Square, neither of the girls could remember what kind of pie I had. Dang! I was right back where I’d started. I had two pies down, but no idea what they were.
I fired my Pie Trackers and decided to track my own progress. Jess and I tried to develop a strategy. During the discussion, Jess pointed out that having a goal to eat pie was more of a hobby than a quest. She noted that a real, official quest should achieve some type of outcome – some sort of value, other than adding a few extra inches to my waistline.
Suggesting My Quest lacked value hurt. I was crushed. No – demoralized. Demoralized to the point of wanting to move to a secluded cabin in the north woods and abandon all civilization. But the more I thought about it, I began to see the light. After all, I still get to eat pie, and in the end I would know something nobody else knows:
I would know which Bakers Square pie is the best.
My Quest is on. This is going to put me on the map, make me the Jared of Bakers Square.
It all started several months ago when we went to Bakers Square for dinner. After dinner, I began flipping through the dessert menu, trying to decide which pie to order.
From what they tell me, as I flipped through the menu, I appeared to be in a zombie-like trance, mumbling:
“Mmm…blueberry…I like blueberry. Mmm…coconut cream…I like coconut cream. Mmm…pie… I like pie.”
After several minutes and multiple times through the menu, I made my choice. Not because I knew what I wanted. Oh no. It was because everyone else had already ordered and if I had any hope of eating pie that night, I needed to decide.
After finishing my dessert, mumbling “mmm…pie, I like pie,” between each mouthful, I announced to the family that I was going to begin a quest…I needed to fulfill my destiny…the planets have aligned and I could see the purpose of my life. That’s right…I was going to sample ALL of Bakers Square’s pies – more than 26 pies. The kids got a kick out of this and there was quite the discussion about My Quest on the ride home.
As excited as I was, it was some time before we got back to Bakers Square, and to be honest with you, I had kind of forgotten about my Pie Quest until I was confronted once again by the pie menu. Then it all came back to me in one big wave of emotion (err…well…as big a wave as apathy will get you).
After dinner, I realized I had a problem. I’d forgotten which pie I’d eaten the last time. Now I’m not sure if this is old age setting in or if I have bonked my head one (or three) too many times, but this was a setback. I had 26 pies to eat and, even with one down, forgetting what I’d eaten put me squarely back at stage one.
This clearly identified the need for some sort of tracking system. I gave the twins the task of being my “Pie Trackers” so in the future, I wouldn’t duplicate my efforts. I ordered and ate my pie and we were on our merry way.
Now if you take nothing away from this rambling story, please, please, please remember this: When the balance of good vs. evil is on the line, when the fate of all humanity lies in the balance, never, never, NEVER entrust a nine year old, let alone two, to be ever-important trackers of anything. Ever.
As you can probably guess, the next time we went back to Bakers Square, neither of the girls could remember what kind of pie I had. Dang! I was right back where I’d started. I had two pies down, but no idea what they were.
I fired my Pie Trackers and decided to track my own progress. Jess and I tried to develop a strategy. During the discussion, Jess pointed out that having a goal to eat pie was more of a hobby than a quest. She noted that a real, official quest should achieve some type of outcome – some sort of value, other than adding a few extra inches to my waistline.
Suggesting My Quest lacked value hurt. I was crushed. No – demoralized. Demoralized to the point of wanting to move to a secluded cabin in the north woods and abandon all civilization. But the more I thought about it, I began to see the light. After all, I still get to eat pie, and in the end I would know something nobody else knows:
I would know which Bakers Square pie is the best.
My Quest is on. This is going to put me on the map, make me the Jared of Bakers Square.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Commercial
I was watching TV the other day when I saw a presidential campaign commercial. I pretty much tuned it out as soon as it came on. I think the only thing I get from these commercials is that I don’t want either candidate to be the next president. I don’t think that’s the purpose, but that’s what I come away with.
Well, after about a minute and a half of this particular commercial, I realized this one was a little different. He wasn’t attacking the other candidate; in fact, he didn’t mention the other candidate. I had to rewind it so I could listen to what he was saying.
This is a non partisan blog. I won’t take sides and I won’t even tell you what the sides are. But I will say this. It was rather refreshing to see a commercial from a candidate that is saying more that what a horrible person their opponent is.
I have to admit it seemed a little crazy, I mean, he was talking about the trouble with the economy, unemployment, the rising cost of everything and how to get America back on track. He also was saying that we should stop spending billions of dollars each month to build up other countries, and start rebuilding ours. And I think the craziest thing was when he started talking about our common interests as Americans.
Of course he’s going to say what people want to hear, but it’s a little refreshing to hear a candidate talk about something real. I don’t know if it’s the economy, world events or that I am just getting older, but I am more interested in this election than I have been in the past. I want to watch the debates and listen to what the candidates are saying about the “issues” impacting our lives.
My hope is that the primaries are no indication of what is in store for the upcoming election. It seemed that all I heard during those debates were personal and professional attacks on each other. If I wanted that, I would just schedule a debate in the living room between a couple of 8 year olds.
Is it possible that presidential candidates could have a civil debate and actually discuss the issues? I don’t know, maybe that’s just wishful thinking.
Well, after about a minute and a half of this particular commercial, I realized this one was a little different. He wasn’t attacking the other candidate; in fact, he didn’t mention the other candidate. I had to rewind it so I could listen to what he was saying.
This is a non partisan blog. I won’t take sides and I won’t even tell you what the sides are. But I will say this. It was rather refreshing to see a commercial from a candidate that is saying more that what a horrible person their opponent is.
I have to admit it seemed a little crazy, I mean, he was talking about the trouble with the economy, unemployment, the rising cost of everything and how to get America back on track. He also was saying that we should stop spending billions of dollars each month to build up other countries, and start rebuilding ours. And I think the craziest thing was when he started talking about our common interests as Americans.
Of course he’s going to say what people want to hear, but it’s a little refreshing to hear a candidate talk about something real. I don’t know if it’s the economy, world events or that I am just getting older, but I am more interested in this election than I have been in the past. I want to watch the debates and listen to what the candidates are saying about the “issues” impacting our lives.
My hope is that the primaries are no indication of what is in store for the upcoming election. It seemed that all I heard during those debates were personal and professional attacks on each other. If I wanted that, I would just schedule a debate in the living room between a couple of 8 year olds.
Is it possible that presidential candidates could have a civil debate and actually discuss the issues? I don’t know, maybe that’s just wishful thinking.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Go Cubs Go
I grew up in the Chicagoland area, so naturally I am a Chicago sports fan. Since being transplanted into the Land of the Cheese I have come to realize that people around here don’t share the same team loyalties that I do. In fact, most of them have a general hatred for my Chicago teams. One of the individuals that is not particularly fond of my Chicago team is the father of my future step-children. Be sure to keep this little nugget of information in mind as it will come into play later in the story.
With the baseball season winding down, I am rather optimistic about my team’s chances. For those of you that have been brainwashed into thinking there are two teams in Chicago, let me be clear that although there is a team on the south side, the only real team in Chicago is on the north side, the Chicago Cubs.
It has become tradition in Chicago that whenever the Cubs win, they play the Steve Goodman song “Go Cubs Go.” I have to admit it is a rather catchy tune.
Even though I am living in Cheeseland, I try to catch the games whenever I can. And lucky for me, I can listen to WGN radio up here and hear the games on there. (For those of you that are within the radio signal range, I would strongly recommend listening as often as you can.)
Back to the Cubs, last week after work, I had turned on the radio to listen to the game on the ride home. Well, the Cubs ended up wining that game, and right after we picked up the kids that magical tune came on the radio.
I didn’t give it much thought at the time, but after dinner that night I was sitting at the table enjoying my ice cream bar when all of a sudden the kids broke out into song. They were singing “Go Cubs Go.” And they weren’t just repeating the words they heard on the radio. Nope, they were getting into it! Singing and dancing. Repeating lines after each other. It was pretty cool to hear.
Now, remember that little nugget of information I had you keep in mind. Well, right about the time the kids were really bringing it home, their Dad stopped by to pick up the dog. I don’t think “shock” can begin to describe the look on his face when he walked in and heard his little angles singing a song about the Chicago Cubs!
He looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders. I mean... what could I say? I didn't teach them the song, I didn't convince them to start singing it either. I just sat there and ate my ice cream. Is it my fault they have good taste?
Co Cubs!
With the baseball season winding down, I am rather optimistic about my team’s chances. For those of you that have been brainwashed into thinking there are two teams in Chicago, let me be clear that although there is a team on the south side, the only real team in Chicago is on the north side, the Chicago Cubs.
It has become tradition in Chicago that whenever the Cubs win, they play the Steve Goodman song “Go Cubs Go.” I have to admit it is a rather catchy tune.
Even though I am living in Cheeseland, I try to catch the games whenever I can. And lucky for me, I can listen to WGN radio up here and hear the games on there. (For those of you that are within the radio signal range, I would strongly recommend listening as often as you can.)
Back to the Cubs, last week after work, I had turned on the radio to listen to the game on the ride home. Well, the Cubs ended up wining that game, and right after we picked up the kids that magical tune came on the radio.
I didn’t give it much thought at the time, but after dinner that night I was sitting at the table enjoying my ice cream bar when all of a sudden the kids broke out into song. They were singing “Go Cubs Go.” And they weren’t just repeating the words they heard on the radio. Nope, they were getting into it! Singing and dancing. Repeating lines after each other. It was pretty cool to hear.
Now, remember that little nugget of information I had you keep in mind. Well, right about the time the kids were really bringing it home, their Dad stopped by to pick up the dog. I don’t think “shock” can begin to describe the look on his face when he walked in and heard his little angles singing a song about the Chicago Cubs!
He looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders. I mean... what could I say? I didn't teach them the song, I didn't convince them to start singing it either. I just sat there and ate my ice cream. Is it my fault they have good taste?
Co Cubs!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)